Learning Prime
Been a long time since I've posted, I wish it were on a topic that was a little nicer to talk about.
A week or so ago, I discovered I need to have surgery. A Septorhinoplasty,they said. Functional. They need to repair my deviated septum and fix some other mumbo jumbo terrorizing my face. I have three days scheduled- July 17th for a pre op, August 13th for the surgery, August 21 for post op. After all this was scheduled, I had to find a way to make it so that I can take out the necessary time to go to the pre op in the middle of the day (as I work from 1pm to 10pm, pre op is at 2:40) and as luck would have it, life seemed to gift it to me.
Right at the start of my lunch break, there was some toxic spill near my offices and we were evacuated, told to work from home. Because my lunch is so late and others live so far away, I had to forego my lunch that day and work through it. A coworker, who got home a few minutes before the end of their shift, said they'd stay on an extra hour for me to go. Being the nice guy I am, I said don't worry about it, that I'm sure my work would just let me use it as time counted toward those two hours I need on the 17th. I spoke with the boss the next day and bingo- they cleared me for it.
Today, I'm talking with my boss about that time, and she retracted that clearance because she said a coworker came to her and said I was offered the time and turned it down. Perhaps it was my fault, I know, but I can't help feeling burned by letting her off the hook. It's made me reflect a little, though, on what we all find important. What drives us, individually. For a really long time I've taken great care to make life easier on everyone else. Financially, technologically, socially- I've given more of my time and energy to others' pursuit happiness and security in those matters than my own. Many times, it's caused me problems that others either choose not to notice, or notice but blame on me. "Well, you didn't have to do that, so...."
And the crux of the matter is- they're right. Maybe I'm just not adjusting well, or learning lessons like others do. Perhaps I'm past my learning prime. I don't know how to change, to become someone who is more selfish or self-involved. Who worries about what they want while not being self-righteous to others or like I'm being selfish even when I don't have to be. How do you find the balance between being a welcome mat and being a role model? Eventually, things are going to come to a head for all of us. Where we'll be forced to choose. I'd rather it not be at a time of mid life crisis or when all those I love and care for have moved on to the things that make them happiest.
Maybe it's another item to add to the bucket list.
#230: Revitalize the learning prime. Live for yourself more, and others less.
Anyway, just a thought.
A week or so ago, I discovered I need to have surgery. A Septorhinoplasty,they said. Functional. They need to repair my deviated septum and fix some other mumbo jumbo terrorizing my face. I have three days scheduled- July 17th for a pre op, August 13th for the surgery, August 21 for post op. After all this was scheduled, I had to find a way to make it so that I can take out the necessary time to go to the pre op in the middle of the day (as I work from 1pm to 10pm, pre op is at 2:40) and as luck would have it, life seemed to gift it to me.
Right at the start of my lunch break, there was some toxic spill near my offices and we were evacuated, told to work from home. Because my lunch is so late and others live so far away, I had to forego my lunch that day and work through it. A coworker, who got home a few minutes before the end of their shift, said they'd stay on an extra hour for me to go. Being the nice guy I am, I said don't worry about it, that I'm sure my work would just let me use it as time counted toward those two hours I need on the 17th. I spoke with the boss the next day and bingo- they cleared me for it.
Today, I'm talking with my boss about that time, and she retracted that clearance because she said a coworker came to her and said I was offered the time and turned it down. Perhaps it was my fault, I know, but I can't help feeling burned by letting her off the hook. It's made me reflect a little, though, on what we all find important. What drives us, individually. For a really long time I've taken great care to make life easier on everyone else. Financially, technologically, socially- I've given more of my time and energy to others' pursuit happiness and security in those matters than my own. Many times, it's caused me problems that others either choose not to notice, or notice but blame on me. "Well, you didn't have to do that, so...."
And the crux of the matter is- they're right. Maybe I'm just not adjusting well, or learning lessons like others do. Perhaps I'm past my learning prime. I don't know how to change, to become someone who is more selfish or self-involved. Who worries about what they want while not being self-righteous to others or like I'm being selfish even when I don't have to be. How do you find the balance between being a welcome mat and being a role model? Eventually, things are going to come to a head for all of us. Where we'll be forced to choose. I'd rather it not be at a time of mid life crisis or when all those I love and care for have moved on to the things that make them happiest.
Maybe it's another item to add to the bucket list.
#230: Revitalize the learning prime. Live for yourself more, and others less.
Anyway, just a thought.
Comments
Post a Comment